


Get This Off My Chest

by Quinnion



Series: Haikyuu Trans AU [4]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Trans, Character Study, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Flirting, Fluff and Angst, Gender Dysphoria, Healthy Relationships, Hinata Shouyou is Sunshine, Hinata Shouyou-centric, Hurt/Comfort, Idiots in Love, Kageyama Tobio is a Good Boyfriend, Light Angst, M/M, Medical Procedures, Mild Blood, Non-Explicit Sex, Protective Kageyama Tobio, Protective Karasuno Volleyball Club, Trans Hinata Shouyou, Trans Male Character, gender euphoria, kind of, top surgery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-09
Updated: 2020-07-09
Packaged: 2021-03-05 06:06:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,973
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25169662
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Quinnion/pseuds/Quinnion
Summary: “But why do you have to wait? If you want top surgery now and you’re ready and your parents support you, you can fucking go for it. It’ll take time and lots of phone calls and appointments but that’s all doable, and you’ll have help from your parents and from me."The more Kageyama talks, the wider Hinata eyes get. Until that moment, getting top surgery seemed like something so out of reach, something that he’d have to wait years for. But now it seems like it’s achievable. He starts to nod frantically and looks at Kageyama with a fire in his eyes, “I’m gonna try to do it. I’m gonna do it! I’ll talk to my parents tomorrow.” He feels a rush of excitement, exhilarated even though nothing has really happened yet, and throws his arms around Kageyama in a tight hug.He holds his face in his hands and plants a firm kiss to his lips, “I’m gonna fucking do this.” Kageyama looks at him in slight shock, but he soon smiles. There’s nothing more he loves to see than Hinata completely determined to achieve something.Or after seeing how much Hinata struggles with chest dysphoria, Kageyama helps him go on his top surgery journey is there for him each step of the way
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio
Series: Haikyuu Trans AU [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1767268
Comments: 34
Kudos: 311





	Get This Off My Chest

**Author's Note:**

> I'm really churning out fics during quarantine huh,,,so this fic is largely based off my experience getting top surgery about three weeks ago (I ever made Hinata's date the same as mine ehehehe) but it won't apply to everyone! A lot of places may have different procedures and people's body's can react differently so this isn't universal!
> 
> Also all the fics in this series are chronological so this one is set after the previous one in their second year probably. Even though it's not necessary for you to read the other works in this series/AU to understand this one I would still recommend it since it provides background on how they got together and I'm really proud of them! I had a lot of fun writing it and I hope you enjoy it!! 
> 
> T/CW: gender dysphoria, mention of blood & general medical/surgical themes

It takes two gentle reminders from Suga and one harsh one for Hinata to finally consistently wear his old sports bra instead of his binder during practice. It’s not a problem during morning practices, since he just leaves the house in it, but after school he needs to change. There’s no way he’s going a whole school day without binding, especially since he’s semi-stealth. It’s not like he tries to hide that he’s trans, but only his friends and some teachers know. And he’d like to keep it that way. 

No one on the team says anything when he peels off his binder in the club room for the first time, facing a corner to keep his front out of view. He only hears a momentary pause in conversation, feeling eyes burning into his back, before they continue chattering. His spine curls forward as he hunches over, his shoulder blades stretching his skin. Hinata feels someone brush up against his side and looks up to see Kageyama. His eyes are facing forward but he’s smiling reassuringly, silently letting him know he’s there for him. Hinata wouldn’t mind if he looked, it’s nothing he’s never seen before, but he appreciates it nonetheless. Straightening up, he feels the nervousness in his gut settle as he pulls on his sports bra, his shirt quickly following. Every day from then on, Kageyama is always by his side when he gets changed, providing quiet, protective company. 

Even though no one says anything about it, Hinata still feels awkward when he plays in a sports bra. He can feel every movement of his chest with each jump and sprint, even despite wearing a size too small. It’s obvious that hugs with teammates aren’t as tight, most just going for high fives. He knows it’s for his own comfort, but he still finds himself getting annoyed. The worst part is that despite the fact that his chest is small, he got lucky in that department, it still gets in the way. 

Hinata finds himself subconsciously holding back. He doesn’t move as fast as he would, or jump as high, just because he wants to avoid making his chest obvious. The elastic band digs into his sides, leaving nastly imprints on his ribs by the end of practice, and the pressure on his lungs limits his endurance. It is a sports bra, but still a tight one. It’s always a relief for Hinata to put his binder back on after practice. No matter how sweaty he is he always manages to tug it on. And he doesn’t care that he has a bike ride home, he just wants to look down and see a mostly flat chest. Kageyama doesn’t fail to miss his frustration one day. 

He practically chucks the sports bra onto the ground, more force behind the movement than usual. Hinata grabs his binder and slips his arms through it first, pulling it over his head before trying to tug the fabric down his shoulders. He realizes he made a fatal mistake when the binder sticks to his skin and starts rolling up. Hinata grabs the front and pulls it over his chest but it’s still only half on. He growls out of frustration and starts wiggling around, as if he could squirm it on. 

“Do you uh, need some help?” He hears Kageyama ask from next to him and turns around, face red and lips pulled into a pout. Thankfully, they’re the last ones here, he wouldn’t want anyone other than his boyfriend to see him like this. 

Hinata lets out a defeated sigh and nods, hanging his head. “Yeah...thanks, that would be nice.” Kageyama pulls down the edge of the fabric, uncurling it, and smooths it out over his chest. The back is a little harder, the binder sticking to sweaty skin, but he manages to get it flat on his back. Hinata relaxes, but not completely, and thanks him rather quietly.

“You seem...more stressed than usual,” Kageyama comments, “You weren’t at the top of your game during practice and just not your usual positive self. As annoying as it is, it’s weird not to see you all cheerful all the time. Is...something wrong?” 

Despite how awkward his attempt at communicating was, it gives Hinata the opening he needs to vent. He sighs loudly and leans against the wall, his eyes lacking their usual brightness. “Yeah, I’m just having a lot of dysphoria about not being able to bind during practice. I know it’s safer and everything but it just makes me really uncomfortable to be able to...feel everything moving around and stuff.” He brings his hand up to his chest instinctively as he explains, splaying his fingers over the mostly flat surface. “And I know no one really cares, but it just feels like everyone is looking at me. I know it’s not true but...it still feels that way.” 

Hinata lifts his head up to see Kageyama still processing what he said. His eyes burn a hole in his chest, his eyebrows knitted together and his fingers twitching at his side. Hinata doesn’t expect him to fully understand what he’s talking about, it’s not like he’ll ever truly be able to experience what he feels. But he knows his boyfriend is trying to understand. Kageyama takes a deep breath, composing himself and trying not to look too confused, and grabs Hinata’s shoulder’s firmly, looking him dead in the eye. 

“I’m not going to pretend I know what you’re talking about, cause I don’t know how dysphoria feels, but...that sounds really shitty, and I wish there was something I could do to help. I know I can’t and that makes-” He shakes his head quickly, reminding himself this isn’t about him. “But yeah, you’re right that no one else really cares but that doesn’t mean it still doesn’t affect you, right?” 

With a soft smile, Hinata moves in closer and just leans himself against Kageyama, resting his head on his shoulder. He slowly wraps his arms around the shorter boy and rubs his back awkwardly. He takes it as a good sign that his boyfriend feels relaxed against him.

“Thank you...You’re a good boyfriend. And it’s okay, I know there’s not a lot you can do.” 

Kageyama sighs in relief and holds him tighter, feeling Hinata fist the back of his shirt. He’s glad that worked since he couldn’t think of anything else to say. But there’s no way in hell he isn’t going to try to find ways to help or fix this on his own. Doing intensive research has yet to fail him. Hinata pulls back after a while, looking less distressed, and the couple soon leave the club room, but not after making out for a good twenty minutes. 

The next time the topic comes up they’re in Hinata’s room, doing the closest thing they regularly do to a date. Which is just hanging out in each other’s rooms, sometimes talking while doing homework or watching something, and other times just silently enjoying each other’s company. Kageyama feels out the moment, trying to figure out if this is the right time to bring it up. They’ve been quiet for a while, neither of them doing anything of much importance, and he clears his throat to get his boyfriend’s attention.

“So, I’ve been doing research on-”

“Of course you have!” Hinata teases him with a laugh, but he sees the pouty frown on Kageyama’s face and at least tries to act serious. “Sorry, what’s the thing you’ve been researching?”

“ _Well_ , I was thinking about what you were saying about your chest dysphoria, and one of the things I found out about was top surgery. Have you thought about that?” That’s not the only result of Kageyama’s research, but he doesn’t think Hinata has noticed him, and the rest of the team, giving plenty of gender-affirming compliments and practices having more breaks to allow him to deal with his dysphoria. 

Hinata’s face turns serious, the question seeming to have unlocked something in his mind, and he nods slowly. “I definitely have, and it’s something I want eventually. But it’s way off in the future,” he replies with a shrug.

“Why is it way off in the future though?” Kageyama presses him and leans forward, “Are your parents not okay with it?”

He immediately shakes his head, “No, I’ve talked to them about it and they support it but...I don’t know, it would be great to have right now but it’s just something I’ll have to wait for after high school.”

Kageyama still doesn’t seem convinced and scoots closer. “But why do you have to wait? If you want it now and you’re ready and your parents support you, you can fucking go for it. There are plenty of good surgeons in Tokyo, and it’s an out-patient surgery so you would just drive back home the day of. And you can do it during summer vacation, you’ll probably be well enough to start playing again by the end of it. You might miss some stuff but it’ll be worth it.” 

The more Kageyama talks, the wider Hinata eyes get. Until that moment, getting top surgery seemed like something so out of reach, something that he’d have to wait years for. But now it seems like it’s achievable. Hinata still has his doubts though.

“But...isn’t it a complicated process? And expensive?”

“It’ll take time and lots of phone calls and appointments but that’s all doable, and you’ll have help from your parents and from me. And I’ve read that insurance covers some of it so you should be okay.” 

Hinata nods slowly and takes a deep breath, a wide grin spreading on his face. He starts to nod more frantically and looks at Kageyama with a fire in his eyes, “I’m gonna try to do it. I’m gonna do it! I’ll talk to my parents tomorrow.” He feels a rush of excitement, exhilarated even though nothing has really happened yet, and throws his arms around Kageyama in a tight hug. 

He holds his face in his hands and plants a firm kiss to his lips, “I’m gonna fucking do this.” Kageyama looks at him in slight shock, but he soon smiles. There’s nothing more he loves to see than Hinata completely determined to achieve something. 

Once Hinata makes his decision, not one to budge when he does, and has a conversation with his parents, the ball starts rolling rather quickly. He starts by searching for a surgeon, his mom looking over his shoulder while he does research and makes phone calls. After getting in touch with a few different surgeons, he settles on one who specializes in chest reconstruction at a pretty well known hospital in Tokyo. Hinata needs to wait a little over a month for his consultation appointment, spending that time getting all the necessary letters and documentation, and thankfully his parents and Kageyama help with that. If they didn’t he’s sure he’d be overwhelmed and lost. When the day comes he drives up for the appointment with his parents, if everything goes to plan, this will be one of three trips, the second being for his pre-testing. 

The consultation goes well but he’s on edge for the next week, anxiously waiting for the phone call from the office. When it as much as vibrates, Hinata immediately launches himself to grab it, inevitably disappointed when it’s just a notification or a call from someone else. He keeps his phone close to him at all times, even leaving it on the bench during practice on the highest volume setting. And thank God he does because during one morning practice it rings out loudly. 

Hinata drops everything he’s doing and sprints over to the bench, nearly sliding across the floor. He snatches the phone up, not even bothering to check the caller ID, and picks up, panting and almost out of breath.

“Yes? Hello?”

“Good morning, is this Shōyō Hinata?” The voice on the other end of the line is monotone and professional sounding, sparking hope in his chest.

“Yes, this is him!” He replies a bit too loud.

“Hello, I’m the surgical coordinator for Dr. Kisho’s office at Juntendo Hospital, following up on your consultation appointment. We have reviewed the schedule and our next available surgery date is in about six months, on June 16th. Does that day work for you?”

“Yes! Yes, that definitely works for me,” he exclaims, practically vibrating with excitement. The surgical coordinator goes on to explain the protocol for the day of surgery and what he should do in the meantime but he barely processes any of it. He still thanks her profusely once she’s done and hangs up, clutching the phone to his chest. 

By then, the whole team has caught on. He turns to see everyone staring at him, eagerly awaiting the news. But Hinata is so overwhelmed with excitement that he can’t get it out right away, just shaking with a huge grin on his face.

“And?! Was it the hospital?!” Kageyama bursts out, pushing his way forward. Hinata only nods and giggles giddily. “And?!” he urges, grabbing his shoulders and shaking him.

“I got a date!” Hinata finally exclaims, “June 16th! I’m getting top surgery on June 16th!”

Kageyama grins so hard his cheeks hurt and he pulls Hinata into a tight hug, lifting his feet off the ground. The rest of the team come rushing forward, Nishinoya and Tanaka are quick to join in on the hug while Daichi and Suga give their congratulations, slapping their backs. The others hang back but still congratulate him, crowding around the messy group hug. Hinata ends up squished between bodies bigger than him, but he wouldn’t want to be anywhere else and just laughs. 

The wait until surgery is both excruciatingly slow and extremely fast. Hinata has a lot to distract himself with but the moments before he falls asleep are filled with worries and excitement about the fateful day. And it doesn’t help that Kageyama won’t stop sending him links to articles and resources, mainly about recovery. He knows he means well, and it’s his way to deal with the stress too, and, although some of what he sends is useful, at some point it just becomes too much. Hinata doesn’t say anything though, only thanking him and maybe teasing him about how intense he can be. Either way, he appreciates how involved he is. 

It’s too bad Kageyama can’t be there for the actual surgery. Only family members are allowed and the drive is pretty far too. He’s insistent he’s there for his recovery though, Hinata’s parents allowed him to sleep over for the first few days. The weeks leading up to the surgery are spent preparing, maybe a little too much. Hinata insists on taking Kageyama on a shopping spree to get everything he might need for his recovery, and then some. He comes back home lugging bags full of bandages, sleeping aids, bendy straws, snacks, baby wipes, and a travel neck pillow, among other things. Hinata also takes advantage of the time left to do things he won’t be able to do for a while. And, for him, that mostly means playing volleyball. He practices during every spare moment he has, and even starts doing strength training with Tanaka. 

The day before, Kageyama stays extra late during their ‘date’ after practice. They don’t really do anything different, just cuddling and talking, but Kageyama lingers, not wanting to leave even when it’s dark outside. Hinata doesn’t seem to want that either, pressed close against Kageyama and fitting perfectly against his chest, legs folded in his lap.

“Do you think my chest will look good?” he asks out of the blue. Kageyama looks down at him, fingers tangled in his hair.

“I mean, right after it’s gonna look pretty gross but once it’s healed it’ll look great,” he replies matter of factly, not realizing that isn’t what Hinata is looking for.

He shifts in his lap and sighs softly, pressing his lips together. “No, I know that. I more meant do you think I’ll look good?” His voice is softer than usual, looking at his boyfriend in a way he can only describe as shy. Kageyama’s eyes widen when he realizes what kind of reassurance he wants. He straightens up and nods firmly, tightening his hold around his waist.

“O-Of course! You’ll look hot as fuck, babe...I like your body now, obviously, but nothing’s gonna change. You’re a guy no matter what you look like and guys are hot and you’re hot,” he replies clumsily. Hinata perks up and giggles, immediately making him more flustered with his smug look.

“Oh? You think I’m hot?” he teases, shifting on his laps so he’s straddling his thighs. Hinata plants his hands on his chest and traces his collarbone through his shirt.

Kageyama blushes hard and looks away, refusing to let him see how much he’s enjoying this. “S-Shut up! But yeah, you can’t fucking blame me though.”

Hinata only giggles and presses closer, “You know, I’ve been getting more muscular too! You wanna see?” He doesn’t even wait for an answer before peeling off his shirt. Kageyama can’t help but look. And he’s right. Hinata has always been in shape but still rather skinny, especially in terms of his upper body. Now though, his arms are bulkier and toned, and his shoulders are slightly broader too. He’s just overall bigger, relative to how stick thin he was before. 

“And look! I kind of have pecs!” He loses track of what he was teasing Kageyama about and points to his chest excitedly, flexing and showing off the muscle high on his breasts. “They’ll look ever better after surgery!”

Kageyama is blushing furiously, despite the fact that he’s seen him nude countless times before. “Y-Yeah, you look really good,” he mutters, still looking him up and down. He lets his hands wander up Hinata’s toned sides, the other leaning into the touch and humming happily.

“You getting worked up just looking at me?” Hinata asks with a giggle, raising his brow. He makes no attempt to cover himself, if anything he poses, pushing his shoulders back and arching his spine.

Kageyama scowls but doesn’t deny it. His hands move up Hinata’s back, and sure enough he feels toned muscle there. “Just fucking make out with me.” Hinata resists the urge to tease him more and just leans in to kiss him, his soft face cupped by calloused hands. He melts into the kiss and presses forward, hips flush together. Kageyama takes advantage of the expanse of bare skin and touches every inch, leaving kisses all over his neck and chest. It doesn’t take long for more pieces of clothing to come off and Hinata struggles to stay quiet with his parents in the house, holding his hand tight over his mouth as his eyes roll back. 

After they have their fun, Kageyama realizes he overstayed his welcome, Hinata’s parents starting to get ready for bed. He hugs Hinata tighter than usual when they say their goodbye and has him promise to text him updates, asking him to give his mom his number so she can update him while he’s in surgery, or if he’s not lucid enough to text. 

Hinata has to wake up early the next morning, they’re already well on their way before the sun even comes up, but he’s still full of energy. He has to have sent Kageyama at least a dozen texts before he’s awake to reply. Their seemingly endless conversation helps distract him until they arrive. The moment they walk into the hospital things go by too fast for him to go on his phone, just able to send a quick mass text to let his friends know he’s going into surgery soon. It only really becomes real for him when he needs to part with his parents, leaving them in the waiting room. He would be scared if it weren’t for the kind nurses.

They help show him how to put on the loose robe, sealing his clothing in a plastic bag for after he’s done. Weirdly enough, he doesn’t feel uncomfortable being so exposed, having his chest bare when the surgeon needs to mark it with a purple marker. The staff that work around him don’t look more than they have to and make him feel respected, they probably see countless patients like him every week anyways. Hinata feels a pange of fear when he’s led into the operating room, seeing the bright lights overhead and all the sterilized metal and forgein medical equipment. He manages to force himself to calm down, reminding himself that he’s just going to fall asleep and wake up with the body he’s always wanted. 

A nurse helps him lay down on the operating table and they ask him a few questions, mainly about his comfort, before placing a mask over his nose and mouth. He breathes in deeply as instructed, letting his fingers uncurl and relax. It doesn’t take long for the anesthesia to take effect, his brain going foggy and his eyelids drooping. And the next thing he knows he’s waking up in another room. 

Hinata is confused for a few seconds. He feels a tightness around his chest, looking down to see layers of bandages covering it and tubes poking out from the top. He can’t feel anything though, the area numb, and his head is still foggy. A nurse approaches his bedside and checks the IV still in his arm, smiling when she sees he’s awake. 

“Is...Is it done?” he mutters, his voice weak. 

“Yes, it’s all done. You did great. The surgeon’s going to come by later and then I’ll show you how to empty the drains,” she explains, “Once the anesthesia has worn off more we’ll bring in your parents.” Hinata just nods sleepily and watches her head off to care for another patient. He’s a bit dizzy for a while but it gets better after getting more anti-nausea medication. He barely pays attention to what the surgeon says, only remembering it’s all positive, or the nurse’s explanation, she said it’ll all be in the package they’re giving him anyways.

All Hinata wants to do is go to sleep, but he forces himself to stay up until they leave. His parents are thrilled to see him, asking him all sorts of questions he doesn’t have the energy to answer, and, once he manages to stand up, they help him out of the hospital. The moment he gets comfortable in the car seat, his chair reclined and a pillow behind his head, he feels himself start to drift off. He turns his head towards his mom and manages to ask the question that’s been at the forefront of his mind for a while.

“Did you text Kageyama? Does he know I’m okay?”

She smiles knowingly and nods, phone in her hands. “Yes, I texted him updates and just told him we’re heading home. He’s going to spread the news and wants you to know he’s thinking of you and loves you.” Hinata finally completely relaxes, a soft smile on his lips, and mutters a quiet ‘good’ before he passes out. 

He sleeps through the whole ride back and is only woken up to get back into the house. His room is all set up, like he left it that morning, with everything easily accessible. After he gets comfortable, his parents watch over him for a while, in an almost pestering way, and he reassures them he’ll be okay for an hour or two, just wanting to rest. They leave reluctantly with the promise to come back and check up on him soon. Before he goes back to sleep, he manages to take out his phone, keeping his upper arms flush to his side like a T-rex.

(15:22) Hey babe!! I just want to let you know that I got home and I’m okay, and that I love you too〔´∇｀〕

Just as Hinata sets his phone down, it buzzes. Kageyama must have been staring at his screen for a response, replying impressively fast. 

_(15:23) That’s good, I’m glad to hear that. Are you feeling okay?_

_(15:23) It’s still okay if I come over tomorrow to take care of you right?_

He smiles fondly as he reads them, his heart full knowing his boyfriend is so eager to tend to him. Hinata types out a reply before setting his phone by his side, soon relaxing and dozing in and out of sleep.

(15:24) Yeah!! I’m feeling okay, I was a bit nauseous before but now I’m just tired...I’m probably gonna rest most of the day (ᴗ˳ᴗ)

(15:24) And of course!!! I’ll text you when I wake up and you can come by! Can’t wait to see you <33

_(15:25) Okay, that sounds good. I’ll see you soon! Get some rest <3_

Hinata only really wakes up to eat dinner that day, his mom preparing something and helping him eat, but after that it’s right back to sleep. When he wakes up the next day, he feels an immediate difference. The moment he tries to move an aching pain radiates through his chest, concentrated around his incisions. He immediately regrets shifting and stays completely still, on his back and staring at the ceiling. His mom comes into his room soon after he calls her and she helps him take his pain killers and eat a small breakfast, unsure if he can stomach any more than that. Once she leaves him to rest for a while, Hinata takes out his phone and puts on some relaxing music before sending Kageyama a quick text.

(08:37) Just woke up!! Feel pretty shitty...you can come over whenever! I can’t promise I’ll be much fun but I’d love the company

_(08:40) Okay, I’ll be right over. Don’t worry about being fun, just worry about resting right now_

Kageyama comes by in record time. He must have left his house right after getting the text. Hinata hears a knock on his bedroom door and he smiles when it slowly opens to reveal his boyfriend.

“Hey, how you feeling?” he asks as he comes in, setting down his duffle bag. Hinata smiles and gestures for him to sit in his desk chair, reaching out to take his hand once he’s by his bedside. 

“It hurts a lot more than yesterday, I can’t really move that much,” he mutters, “But I took painkillers, they should kick in soon and I’ll probably pass out again.” 

He chuckles softly and rubs his knuckles tenderly, “That’s good,” he hums, “We should probably empty your drains before you fall back asleep though, they’re almost a quarter full,” he adds, glancing at the plastic drain bulbs hanging by his sides. Hinata nods and takes a deep breath, gripping the sheets, but he doesn’t move. “Do you need help getting up?” Kageyama asks after a moment. 

Hinata closes his eyes, mentally preparing himself, and nods a bit. “I’m just...getting ready. But yeah, when I start getting up if you could support my back that would help.” Kageyama shifts so he’s ready and Hinata groans as he slowly lifts himself up, trying to use only his abs. Once he’s halfway there, Kageyama holds his arms out and supports some of his weight, helping him the rest of the way up. Hinata swings his legs over the edge of the bed as he sits up and pants softly, wincing a bit at the pain. He takes a moment before getting up and smiles at his boyfriend, “Alright, let’s go.”

They walk to the bathroom slowly, Kageyama bringing along the supplies they need. He helps him unbutton his shirt and slides it off his shoulders. Hinata’s chest is covered with a compression vest but it’s easy to tell he’s flat. He smiles at himself in the mirror and gently runs his hand over his chest, barely touching the fabric.

“They’re really gone, huh?” He has a wide grin on his face. 

Kageyama looks up from preparing the supplies, pausing what he’s doing, and smiles back at him, “Yeah, they really are. You’ll never have to worry about them again.” He unhooks the safety pins holding one of the drain pouches to the bottom of the vest, being careful not to pull the drains. The blood sloshes around inside and he slowly empties it in the measuring cup, needing to squeeze a bit to get it all out.

“Ew, that’s gross...You better not spill it,” Hinata mutters as he watches, still wrapping his head around the fact that he has drains inside him and all of that bloody liquid is coming out of his body.

He shushes him and focuses, eyes narrow and pointed. “I won’t, I just need to...focus.” He reads how much he emptied out and writes it down before switching to the other drain pouch. Smiling proudly, Kageyama is done in no time, “All done! We just gotta do it again before you go to sleep for the night.”

“Thanks, babe,” Hinata smiles weakly, “Can I go back to bed now?” 

His heart skips a beat and his expression softens. Kageyama whispers a quiet ‘of course’ and leads his boyfriend back to his room. He helps him lay down, supporting his weight so he doesn’t need to fall back too hard, and arranges the covers and pillows so Hinata is comfortable. 

“Do you need anything else? Can I bring you something?” he asks, hiding most of the worry in his voice. 

Hinata gazes up at him fondly, looking like he’s going to fall asleep any moment now, and shifts his hand so it’s hanging off the bed, fingers making a weak grabbing motion. “Can you just hold my hand until I fall asleep?” Kageyama’s eyes widen and he simply takes his boyfriend’s hand, lacing their fingers together. It doesn’t take long for him to fall asleep, soon snoring quietly. Kageyama is still holding his hand when he wakes up hours later. 

The first week is a constant routine of emptying drains, eating, taking painkillers, and sleeping. Kageyama helps him through it all and keeps him entertained when he’s awake and busies himself when he’s not. Normally, they would share the twin bed, bodies squished together in an embrace, but that won’t be possible for a while so Kageyama takes the floor. He refuses to sleep on the couch in the living room, insisting he stays with him just in case he needs something. And he does find himself helping Hinata to the bathroom and bringing him water in the middle of the night a few times.

The third day is the worst, with Hinata barely able to move without being in pain and basically high on medication the whole day. After that it gets better though. He starts moving around the house more, eats at the table instead of in bed, and is just overall more cheerful. Before they know it, it’s time for them to drive back to Tokyo for Hinata’s post-op appointment, and his chest reveal of course. He practically begs his parents to let Kageyama tag along, and they don’t see why not so he joins them. They quite like the sometimes-too-serious, responsible boy who only brings out the best of their son. 

Despite the surgeon’s reluctance, they manage to squish everyone in the small room, Kageyama pressed tight into a corner while Hinata’s parents take the only two seats. And, of course, Hinata is on the examination table, vibrating with excitement and his legs swinging hard enough to make the table creak. 

He can’t describe how good it feels to finally have the vest off and the bandages slowly peeled off. Cool air finally hits his chest, the sensation to his numb skin is rather odd, and he inhales deeply, feeling like he can finally breathe. Hinata looks down but he can only see the top of his chest, it’s certainly flat though. He immediately looks between Kageyama and his parents. 

“So? How does it look?” he asks nervously. They all immediately reply in overlapping voices that it looks amazing and he looks great, Kageyama flashing him a big smile. Hinata turns to the surgeon, who’s pulling on some new gloves. “Can I see it now?”

“In a minute you can stand in front of the mirror, but first we need to take your drains out,” he replies. The nurse instructs him to lay down and explains it’s going to feel weird but it won’t hurt. He just nods and keeps his head up, not wanting to look. Just like she said, the sensation is strange, as if rope he didn’t even know was under his skin is being pulled out, but it only hurts a bit at the point of exit. The nurse and surgeon do quick work to take out the drains, removing the stitches there too, and finally they let him sit up.

Hinata walks over to the full length mirror and comes face to face with his new chest. The moment he processes what he’s looking at his eyes light up and his whole face beams. He’s flat, save for the slight pump of muscle. The curved incisions along the bottom of his chest are covered with protective paper tape, and will be for the next few weeks. Even though the sight isn’t pretty, with some areas bruised and his nipples still fresh grafts that have yet to take completely, Hinata’s still thrilled. It’ll only look better from here on out. 

Eventually, he has to get away from the mirror and sit back down, and he does so reluctantly. The surgeon and nurse take a few minutes to explain how he should take care of his chest from now on. He’s relieved to hear he can finally shower, albeit very carefully, since he was starting to smell pretty bad. They change his dressings for him, explaining each step, and Hinata tries his best to pay attention. He’s sure Kageyama is taking mental notes anyways. 

Even though Hinata insists Kageyama isn’t overstaying his welcome, he still decides to stop sleeping over. He already feels like he’s taken too much out of their family time. But he promises to visit Hinata at least a few times a week, if not every day. Without Kageyama there, Hinata finds himself getting bored. He didn’t realize how much of his life volleyball actually took up when he can’t do it anymore. He doesn’t really have any other hobbies, and with no school work to do...well, he finds himself incredibly bored pretty fast. So Kageyama’s visits are what he looks forward to. 

He promised he would come by today and Hinata eagerly waits for the doorbell to ring, knowing his mom will let Kageyama in. Instead he gets a text. He brings his phone up to his face, still moving his arms as little as possible, and furrows his brow when he reads it.

(11:47) Look out your window.

Hinata grunts as he slowly sits himself up and leans over to look outside his window. He’s shocked to see the entire volleyball team standing on the sidewalk in front of his house. They somehow even got Tsukishima to come. The moment they see his face pop up in the window, they start waving and shouting for him to come down, Nishinoya and Tanaka being the loudest and jumping up and down. Hinata grins wide and gets out of bed as fast as he can, rushing to get outside.

The moment he steps out, Nishinoya bounds over to hug him, “Hinata! Congratulations!! You fucking did it!” he yells, arms reaching out.

“W-wait! I can’t-!” he shakes his head and holds his arms over his chest. Thankfully, before Nishinoya can reach him, Daichi grabs the back of his shirt and holds him back.

“You can’t hug him like that yet!” he scolds him, “His chest is still healing.”

Nishinoya stops struggling and smiles sheepishly, “Oh, yeah...How about a very light hug?” That works for Hinata and he laughs as they carefully wrap their arms around each other, their bodies barely touching. He gets a few more cautious hugs from the others and turns towards Kageyama. 

“You planned all this?” he asks, getting a bit choked up. 

Kageyama blushes lightly and shrugs, “Well...it wasn’t just me, we all planned it together.” Daichi shakes his head and puts a firm hand on the setter’s shoulder.

“He’s being modest. It was all his idea and we just went with the plan,” he explains, “And, we thought we’d all pitch in and get you this,” he adds, holding out a gift bag Hinata didn’t even notice he was holding.

“What’s this?” he takes it curiously and pushes past the tissue paper to peak inside. There’s all sorts of small items inside, including candy and snacks, a crow plushie, and more practical things, like bandages and gauze. Hinata grins up at them and holds the bag to his chest, “This is so sweet...You really didn’t have to.”

“Of course we did!” Sugawara exclaims, waving him off, “We wanted to make your recovery as easy as possible and make sure you know we’re thinking of you and miss you!” Overlapping statements of agreement come from the rest of the team, all of them nodding. Hinata feels his eyes start to sting and he wipes away any tears before they spill over. 

“Hey now, don’t go and cry on us,” Tsukishima pipes up, arms crossed, “I don’t wanna see that.”

“S-Shut up!” he snaps half-heartedly, “I’m just really happy to see you guys...I miss playing with everyone and this is just really thoughtful.” 

“We miss playing with you too, Hinata,” Asahi breaks his relative silence, “And soon enough you’ll be back on the court.” It’s not soon enough for him though, but he doesn’t say that. He chats with his teammates for a while longer, just loitering in front of his house. Even though he’s been staying in touch with most of them over text, it’s still nice to see them in person. One by one, they have to leave until Kageyama is the only one left. 

Hinata leans up on the tips of his toes to kiss him, the other needing to lean down to meet his lips. “Thank you, this was really great. You’re an amazing boyfriend,” he says after he pulls away. Kageyama tries to brush it off like it’s nothing but they both know it isn’t. He comes inside for a while before he needs to leave too, promising to visit again tomorrow. 

Even as the weeks pass and Hianta continues healing, his mobility slowly coming back, he still can’t do much. He goes out on occasion, but he just ends up upset that all he can do is walk. His parents even forbid him from biking since they’re sure he’ll overdo it, and they’re not wrong. The worst part of it all is he’s surrounded by volleyball without being able to play. All the posters on his walls are volleyball related, he has volleyball themed pencils and notebooks, and not to mention the actual volleyball laying untouched on the floor of his room. And naturally, it’s what Kageyama tends to talk about when he comes over. He loves hearing about the team but sometimes it can get him down.

“Do you think we could talk about something else?” Hinata interrupts him suddenly, propped up slightly in bed.

Stopping mid-sentence, Kageyama furrows his brow in confusion, “What? Why? Do you not wanna hear about practice?” 

Hinata immediately feels guilty and looks down, fidgeting with the blanket on his lap. “N-no! I do, I just...I miss playing volleyball so much, and I won’t be able to for another few weeks so hearing about it and seeing it all the time is hard sometimes. I’ve been trying not to think about it but I really miss it.”

Kageyama’s expression softens and he sighs with a shake of his head. “I didn’t even realize...You should have told me earlier! I thought you would want to hear about the team all the time and I was just-! I was making you upset all this time!?” He starts to get worked up, fists clenching on his knees, and his face scrunching up.

“Hey, it’s okay!” Hianta waves his hands frantically to try to snap him out of it, “I just felt bad since I know you’re only trying to help! But maybe we can talk about other stuff sometimes?”

Thankfully, Kageyama relaxes and leans back against the chair, “I guess,” he huffs, “I’m just annoyed I didn’t think about how rough it is for you not being able to play. I’m so fucking stupid,” he mutters, half to himself. 

Hinata rolls his eyes and grabs his hand, getting his attention. “Yeah, you are fucking stupid,” he snort. He gets a glare from Kageyama and continues, “It’s not your fault I can’t play and having you here helps a lot, idiot.” He reaches his arm a bit farther than he should and punches his shoulder lightly, the other just grunting but at least he looks less constipated. 

“Come here so we can cuddle if you wanna make me feel better.” Kageyama looks up to see his boyfriend staring at him with those puppy eyes and his arms open in invitation. He couldn't resist that even if he wanted to. He gets up from his chair and waits for Hinata to scoot over before joining him in bed. Kageyama makes sure to maneuver very carefully so as not to touch or nudge his chest. He ends up with his arms loosely wrapped around him and Hinata leaning back against his chest with his legs resting on his thighs. 

Humming happily, Hinata nuzzles back into the crook of his shoulder and lets his eyes flutter closed. He doesn’t feel Kageyama relax like he does though. His hands are still tight on his waist and his legs are tense under his. “You okay? You still seem worked up,” he questions, “I can’t relax if you’re all wound up.” 

Kageyama curses under his breath, annoyed that Hinata can read him so well, and sighs loudly. “I don’t know...I don’t want you to be upset about the whole not being able to play volleyball thing. You’ll talk to me when you’re sad about it, right?” 

“Look dumby,” Hinata turns his head so he can see his face, “There’s not a lot either of us can do about it. It just sucks and it will for a while, but you can help me right now by holding me. And yeah, I’ll talk to you about it more often.” 

With that, Kageyama finally lets himself relax. Yeah, I can definitely hold him, he thinks to himself. He reserves himself to just enjoying the closeless, rubbing his boyfriend’s sides soothingly. It doesn’t take long for Hinata to doze off, his head lolling back onto his shoulder. 

Hinata’s right when he says the situation will just suck for a while. But he manages better than either of them thought he would. He pushes himself to explore hobbies other than volleyball, taking up drawing and playing video games online with Kenma. Once his body is more than up for it, he starts biking again. It’s still very light exercise, but he’s still glad to have some sort of physical activity back in his life. 

Since he’s more occupied, the weeks go by faster and soon enough Hinata doesn’t have to wear a compression vest anymore. He almost cries at the thought that he won’t ever need to bind again. Just to be safe, he waits an extra week to play an actual practice game. That doesn’t mean he doesn’t play though. He pesters Kageyama into playing one-on-one with him and his boyfriend makes sure he doesn’t push himself too much. Hinata doesn’t think it’s ever felt better to hit a ball. Finally, with the blessing of his surgeon, parents, and teammates, he’s allowed to practice again, and just in time for the upcoming matches. 

Hinata’s worries about losing progress are only slightly justified. It takes about a set or so for him to get used to playing again, needing to adjust the way he moves. But once he gets the hang of it again, the freedom of no longer needing to bind or worry about his chest has an immediate positive effect. He’s able to run as fast as he can and jump as high as he can without anything else on his mind. 

It doesn’t take long before Hinata notices how much everyone else has improved, busting out moves and plays he’s never seen before. He pushes away the pang of jealousy the moment it surfaces, instead excitedly praising his teammates and demanding they teach him. By the end of the game, Hinata’s muscles ache more than he’s used to, and his whole body is coated in sweat, soaking through his uniform. He doesn’t care though. The pulsing of blood through his veins and the rush of endorphins is more than worth it. 

Like all practices, they all end up in the club room, eager to change into clean clothes. Hinata finds his spot in the corner but soon realizes he doesn’t need to hide anymore. He can fool around with the other boys instead of getting out as fast as he can. He slips off his shirt and turns around to reply to something Tanaka said but before he can get the words out Nishinoya comes rushing forward.

“Woah! Your chest looks amazing, man!” he exclaims loudly, getting the attention of everyone in the room, “I can’t wait until I can get mine after graduation!”

“Thanks! Yeah, I’m really happy with it!” Hinata stands proudly with his hands on his hips, shoulders pulling back. He’s not as skinny as he used to be, with toned arms and abs, but he’s definitely lean. And now his chest is decorated with curved scars, still needing to do a lot of healing. His nipples aren’t the prettiest to look at either but no one cares. 

Tanaka stares in awe and grins, “Yeah! You look so manly! It turned out so well!”

“Congratulations, Hinata. We’re all very happy for you, and you look great,” Daichi speaks for the rest of them, Suga flashing him two thumbs up. Asahi smiles at him and quietly agrees, barely audible over the loud chatter of Tanaka and Nishinoya, still fawning over his chest.

Even Tsukishima looks over, “Put a shirt on, why don’t you? You don’t wanna become like Tanaka,” he snorts, but he’s still smiling. 

“Hey!” Tanaka glares at the blond, pointing at him dramatically, “What’s that supposed to mean?!” 

“No way!” Hinata protests, “You better get used to me being shirtless all the time cause I’m gonna get my money’s worth!” He boasts loudly, and he intends on keeping that promise. Tsukishima just laughs and turns away, packing up his stuff. 

Kageyama speaks up after some time of silently observing, “Well, I don’t mind you being shirtless all the time,” he hums proudly, not very subtly looking him up and down. Hinata giggles with a blush and peaks his lips quickly, getting a chorus of ‘aww’s and faked disgust. 

“Ew! Get a room you two!” Nishinoya yells with a laugh, Tanaka dramatically covering his eyes. 

Hinata rolls his eyes and wraps his arms around Kageyama’s neck, pressing close to him just to annoy them further. “We would have one if you’d get out of the club room!” he shoots back playfully.

**Author's Note:**

> I'd love to continue with this AU so if you have any suggestions/ideas let me know!
> 
> Please leave a kudos if you enjoyed it and comment too if you want!
> 
> I do take requests/commissions; contact me on my [ tumblr ](http://being-gay-on-ice.tumblr.com/) or leave a comment on this fic!


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